Some Recent Highlights…and Disney World!

People ask me everyday if my girls are twins. Everyday. Somebody asks. And Hib and I knew there would come a time, that for a time, our girls would basically be twins. That time is officially here.  Both are crawling. Both are trying to talk. Both are trying to walk. Both are constantly vying for my attention. Two toddlers. One and Two. 

Libby loves to talk to people wherever she goes. She makes sure to get everyone's attention. If she can’t do it with her words, she’s darn good at doing it any other way she can. Here’s a conversation that took place at clinic this week… (nurse was about to prick her finger for blood)

Hi Libby!

         Hiiiiiiiii

How are you doing, pumpkin? Are you good?

         Um, yessss

(Nurse gets out needle, alcohol, etc. to prick her finger)

         Uh oh

(Nurse puts hot pack on her finger to warm it up)

         Hot, hot, hot

Just a quick prick, okay Libby?

         No (shakes head) No, No

(Pricks Libby’s finger)

         Alll Done

Annie is starting to follow suit. We taught her the sign for more in hopes she would use the sign, or the word, in lieu of screaming for more food at the table. She took to it very quickly. So, she overuses the word more just like Libby did. Like when I walk in her room in the mornings. She’s in her crib signing and saying, more, more, more. The girl is ready to eat. If she wants one of her little singing toys to sing, she’ll bring it to me and say, more, more, more. If we walk past the cat, more, more, more.

We’re doing a lot of walking, too. Annie’s not quite brave enough to take off completely on her own. But if she’s got a little support she’s good to go. And Libby is Annie’s biggest cheerleader. We cheer Annie on, and then Libby begs to practice her walking. She’s so encouraged by her little sis. And she’s working so hard.  But about 30 seconds and she promptly tells me, Alllll Done. Annie. She’s had enough. Annie can go again.

Both of our girls are love bugs. But Libby loves on another level. Everyone. She captures strangers’ hearts everywhere we go. She likes to kiss. And she loves to hug. When she meets someone, she instantly opens her arms out wide. It’s time to embrace. So, you can imagine going out with her. If you had seen us at Target today you would've seen a complete stranger, trying to get her own shopping done, taking the time to bend over our cart and give Libby a huge hug.

Eat, play, eat, play, nap. And play some more. Peek-a-boo behind doors (I know, I’m waiting for the first finger to get smashed-such a risky little game). Racing each other up the stairs.  Chasing after the cat. Throwing and catching balls. Dancing. These girls love to dance. If they hear music, they bop up and down. On the spot. One of my favorite moments everyday is in the car. Partly because the girls are confined for a few minutes and I can sit down. And even make a phone call. But mostly, because I can turn up the radio to just the right song. And I turn around to huge grins and four little legs kicking away. Arms flailing. Dancing. It’s priceless.

And Monday’s treatment went off without a hitch. That means Libby and I are headed to Disney World this Sunday! We’re celebrating Hadley’s 6^th birthday!!! Unfortunately, Hib won’t be able to go. He has to be out of town for work. We’re bummed. And so thankful Gigi is keeping Annie for us. Since I’m not brave enough to handle both the girls by myself.  Even though we have lots of our family going with us. Including Grandmamma and Granddaddy. I’m still not up for it. Sorry, sweet Annie. Next time.

Libby’s doctors and nurses are amazing. They’re so excited for her. They’ve moved her appointments around to make this happen. They’ve given me the number to the ER in Orlando (and we’re all praying I don’t have to use it). They even gave us a note to give Disney that gives us access to the front of the long lines. Awesome, right? We can’t wait!

We’ll definitely update when we get back. We actually have clinic the day after we get home. Friday, the 22^nd, is our next chemo day.

Happy Valentine’s Day! And Happy Weekend! We love you all!!!

Days Like These

 Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us.  He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ.  He did all this on His own, with no help from us!  Then he picked us up and set us down in the highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.
Ephesians 2:4-7 the Message
 

Wednesday was one of those days. I woke up with a horrible crick in my back. You know it’s not going to be one of your best days when you’re shoving Advil down your throat before your feet have even hit the floor. It was pouring rain. And I had to get Libby to the clinic to kick off her next round of treatment. One of many doctor appointments we had last week. Traffic was horrendous. We were late. Her first procedure was late.  Libby got sick after her sedation. There was a tornado warning and we had to move rooms. And I could go on and on. The day didn’t get any better.

Honestly, the entire week was kind of a bust. Libby was unusually defiant. She was constantly harassing her sister. I felt like I was punishing her nonstop. To no avail. And on Friday, I found out she had strep throat. Poor thing. I’ve been punishing her. I’ve been reprimanding her at every turn. And she’s felt like total crap. And I had no idea. Somehow, I let Annie get a horrible case of diaper rash. Libby was running a fever by the weekend. And it’s just been the little things.  You know, like walking into the grocery store(for the third time this week) Annie’s boot kept falling off. I was pushing Libby in the cart and carrying Annie in my arms, and her freaking boot fell off no less than three times on the walk from the car to the store. And I’d have to stop and pick it up in the middle of traffic. Thankfully, without Libby and the grocery cart rolling away. I won’t tell you the profanities uttered every time this happened.

Yeah, my attitude wasn’t the best last week. And at one point, I believe it was Wednesday in the tumultuous rain and traffic from hell, I did a ridiculous thing. I tried to imagine someone telling me, a younger me, what my life would look like someday. I was thinking of these days. I don’t really know what I was trying to do to myself with this little exercise-I guess justify all my complaining. My poor parenting.  My terrible attitude.  Whatever. I don’t really know. But it didn’t help.

Because, obviously, I don’t know all my life will entail. But God knows every single detail of my life. In fact, He orchestrated it. Nothing has happened by chance. Nothing will happen by chance. And I’m exactly where He wants me. And sometimes I think on my worst days-the messy ones, when the failings are most obvious, when I’m so fully aware of my helplessness-these are the days He really takes over. And He does His best work. I let go. Finally. I complain. And mess up. And I cuss. And I snap at the ones I love. And I’m not proud of it. But I think that’s the point. He wants to show me He loves me. No matter what. Even at my absolute worst. He loves me and He covers me with His grace. It’s not fair. And I don’t deserve it. But He does it anyway. And it will be nothing but His miracle, but I think He’s helping me to learn to love the same way. 

*Libby had her first treatment of this Interim Maintenance phase. And she has strep throat. But we're on antibiotics and doing so much better! We’ve been through this phase before, not that we can really remember it. She has treatment roughly every 10 days, for eight weeks. Her next treatment will be Monday, February 11^th.Then, we begin the maintenance phase. We feel your prayers every single day!  

The Best Medicine

Libby is virtually through the delayed intensification phase. We’re getting her counts checked weekly. We have to be careful about infections. And we have to make sure she doesn’t need a transfusion. And we’re waiting for her counts to recover. Then, we’ll start the interim maintenance phase, most likely, the end of this month. In the meantime, she continues to prove the old adage, laughter is the best medicine, is true. This little one loves to laugh. And she loves to make others laugh. She keeps her sister in stitches. She can get a complete stranger to laugh in under a minute. She deflects her therapists from their work (and hers) with her antics. And Hib and I completely get it. It’s why we like to distract ourselves from the stresses of our days by watching too much TV at night. Preferably sitcoms. Not totally healthy, I know. But laughter works. And it’s a go-to remedy in our family. We eventually deal with the happenings of our days. But sometimes there’s nothing like a good laugh.  And this little ham has certainly figured that out.  Thank you for your continued prayers!

Miss Potato Head

Happy Birthday, Annie!

We had a beautiful weekend. Annie turned one. We wanted to have an intimate celebration, just our family, at our home. And we decided to have her dedication ceremony at the same time.  Even better, we were lucky enough to have her cousin dedicated with her. It was lovely. Exactly how I imagined it would be. How could it not be? It was all about Him. Thanking Him for our little angels. Assuring Him we cannot do any of this without Him. Praying for His guidance in every way along the way.

Our lifelong adored friend and pastor performed the ceremony. He’s the best. As are our dear family and friends we love so much. I’ve said it before, and whoever originally coined this phrase was so right, it takes a dang village. Thank you all so much for loving us, and helping us nurture these precious babies.

I was asked to share some thoughts about dedicating little Annie, and I shared a few on Saturday. Here are some more...

A year ago, I was terrified. Pretending I had surrendered my plans to His, I was showed up.  I’m still learning to trust. Not only was I scared of who our new baby would be. But what was this life going to be like for her? She would have a family who, by the world’s standards, is unconventional. Her sister has special needs. How would all of this affect her? Shape her? What would it do to her faith?

I don’t have answers to these questions. And sometimes I still wrestle with them. But I’m learning this. God created Annie perfectly. He created her for His purpose. She was created perfectly for our family. We’re just here to love her. Guide her. Support her. Teach her. Remind her. She is His. And He has big plans for her.

She will, hopefully, experience a lot of happiness, love, and laughter. She will also experience pain, hardships, and unfulfilled dreams. And strangely, I don’t hope anymore for our children to have pain free, easy, lives. Of course, I want this for them. But I know what their Father has in store is better. I know it’s the hard things He’ll be able to use to shape their hearts. To be more loving. To be more like Him. 

This world will try to tell Annie what’s important. What she should do. Who she should be. As her parents, we’ll try to teach her otherwise. We’ll try to teach her to lean into the One who created her. And take her cues from Him. Her Father, who loves her more than anyone. The only One who will ever fulfill her. We pray she learns early to trust Him. And if she can grasp this-that she is significant, she is worthy, and she is so utterly and completely loved, because she is His. We know she’ll be just fine.  

Happy Birthday, sweet Annie! We love you so much.

Happy New Year!

 

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to post, but I guess I should believe it this time of year! I hope everyone had amazing holidays. Our Christmas couldn’t have been better. I wish I had taken more pictures. It’s so hard to get pictures with two little ones. Our girls are still too young to understand Christmas. Nevertheless, they were super excited about whatever the heck was going on! Libby, especially, quickly picked up on the fact that we were getting to see lots more of our family and friends. Every time we told her where we were headed, she would break into a huge grin. She danced all Christmas.

Hib and I put together the girls’ little kitchen Christmas Eve. Well, he put it together while I drank a glass of wine. We watched Christmas Vacation like we do every year. We filled the girls’ stockings and finished wrapping presents. 

The week between Christmas and New Years was relaxing. We loved it. We slept in. Watched movies. Went out for lunches. Went shopping. Met friends for dinners.

Libby had treatment on New Year’s Eve, and she did beautifully! This is a brutal phase of chemo, but so far, you would never know it. Praise God! We’re in the last few weeks of this phase. Her next treatment is this Tuesday. The doctors expect her counts to really drop, and we continue to pray it’s not too hard on her. And that she stays well.

Unfortunately, Annie did get sick. She started running a fever New Year’s Eve.  We put the girls down at 6:30 that night.  We ordered take-out from one of our favorite burger joints. And we rang in the New Year, just the two of us, eating delicious cheeseburgers while catching up on episodes of Homeland. It was pretty fantastic. AND, it’s Annie’s 1^st birthday! The remainder of last week was spent getting her well, and prepping for her birthday and dedication (post coming soon…). 

2012 was one for the books!  So many blessings. So much love. So much joy. So much surrendering. Bring on 2013! Happy, happy New Year! 

No Chemo For Christmas

 

And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." Luke 2:10

We ended up in the hospital last week. Libby had croup. She was turning a corner, visibly feeling a lot better, and then she woke up Monday night. Upset. Her little chest heaving as she tried to breathe. So off we went. The doctors fixed her right up, we spent a couple nights, and were home by Wednesday. And because of this, they delayed her next dose of chemo. So we’re not going to have chemo for Christmas this year. Well, that’s if you don’t count the steroids they put her back on for a few of days. The steroids that help with the croup, but make her feel like crap. So, we’re making it to our Christmas festivities, but we’re not 100%.

And we will be getting chemo on New Year’s Eve. Literally, we will kick off the New Year with a blast. Of Chemo. Yes, this Christmas has definitely been different than ones past. But in a way, it’s been one of my favorites. This realization there really is joy, no matter what your circumstances. This Christmas, God is revealing that true joy doesn’t come from the holidays, or family gatherings, or gifts. It doesn’t even come from your happy and healthy kids. Even though I enjoy all those things, and they certainly make me happy. This true joy, the kind that never wavers, comes from Him. Beholding Him. It’s something I guess I’ve known on an intellectual level for some time now. But this year He’s revealing it to me. It’s different. I’m experiencing it. It’s indescribable. I love that He’s doing this right now. Christmastime. It’s just so appropriate. He is a Father who loves to give us everything we need. His Son. His Love. His Peace. His Joy.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers. New Year’s Eve is our next big day. I cannot say it enough. We love you so much.  We hope everyone has a blessed Christmas, filled with much love, peace and JOY!!!

Some Recent Highlights

  

There are a lot of days I feel like I’m counting down the minutes until nap time, and then until Hib gets home. Okay, that’s most days. But not a day goes by I don’t thank God for the incredible blessing of being home with my girls. As crazy as our days tend to be, I’m trying to soak in every minute. I know how fast they go. Annie is almost a year old, and Libby is two and a half. And I’m asked almost everyday if they’re twins-and some days it feels like they’re twins.  They are certainly two peas in a pod. Libby does a pretty good job of asserting herself as the big sister (you know, by pulling Annie’s hair or biting her), but Annie is desperately trying to catch up. Some recent highlights…

The girls have their own secret language. They babble back and forth all day long. Looking at each other dead in the eyes while they chat. I’m convinced they're having real conversations. Libby is really working with Annie. Even at just two years old, she’s qualified because she’s had a lot of speech therapy. We’re constantly having her imitate our words and sounds. So you can just imagine Libby's delight when Annie imitates one of her words or sounds.  She looks at me with wide excited eyes, her mouth opens as if she’s in shock, and she breaks into a beam of satisfaction. She’s so proud of this baby sister of hers who’s picking up on things so quickly.

 

They always want to be with each other. This is how most of our mornings go. Annie finishes her breakfast, and I take her out of her highchair so she can go play. Libby is still eating. Libby watches Annie start to crawl away. Libby looks at me and says, aaaaaall done (she likes to drag out the all). I ask her if she’s sure (knowing she’s not finished, but she wants to go play with Annie) and she assures me she is. I start to take her tray away, she frantically picks up a piece of bacon in one hand, and a handful of cheerios in the other. I look at her without even asking the question, and she says to me again, aaaaaaall done. And off she goes to chase Annie, still hungry, but with enough of her breakfast in hands.

They are very empathetic. If one laughs the other one laughs. If one screams the other one screams. If one cries the other one cries. Libby loves Santa Claus. Always has. We went to see him again this year. She was so excited. This was Annie’s first encounter with Santa and, true to form, she wanted nothing to do with him. She started crying as soon as we put her in his lap. She wouldn’t even look at him. And Libby could totally understand. When Santa asked her what she wanted for Christmas she stuck out her bottom lip, too. Although, she did blow him a quick little kiss to say goodbye.

They are learning, not very well, how to share. Libby is happy to give a toy to Annie, and very quick to take it right back. Annie follows her lead. Libby, despite being on steroids, is very generous with her food. If Annie is out of cheerios, Libby is happy to add some of her own to Annie’s tray. In fact, if she’s eating, she is always willing to offer Annie a bite. Annie, on the other hand, is more of a taker when it comes to food. Whatever I give Libby is in Annie’s hands in a matter of seconds. I’m not sure if she’s supposed to eat Pringles. But she does. And she loves them. I’m pretty sure she’s not supposed to have cow’s milk until she’s one year old, but Libby has introduced her to that, too. 

                                                         (Not her cup)

Yes, Libby continues to teach her little sister everything she knows. She’s teaching her how to wave hi and bye, and clap, and give kisses. Annie has really taken to the kisses. Libby’s once one-sided kisses are now requited. And I’m telling you, there is nothing better than seeing these two lean into each other for a big smooch.