Days Like These

 Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us.  He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ.  He did all this on His own, with no help from us!  Then he picked us up and set us down in the highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.
Ephesians 2:4-7 the Message
 

Wednesday was one of those days. I woke up with a horrible crick in my back. You know it’s not going to be one of your best days when you’re shoving Advil down your throat before your feet have even hit the floor. It was pouring rain. And I had to get Libby to the clinic to kick off her next round of treatment. One of many doctor appointments we had last week. Traffic was horrendous. We were late. Her first procedure was late.  Libby got sick after her sedation. There was a tornado warning and we had to move rooms. And I could go on and on. The day didn’t get any better.

Honestly, the entire week was kind of a bust. Libby was unusually defiant. She was constantly harassing her sister. I felt like I was punishing her nonstop. To no avail. And on Friday, I found out she had strep throat. Poor thing. I’ve been punishing her. I’ve been reprimanding her at every turn. And she’s felt like total crap. And I had no idea. Somehow, I let Annie get a horrible case of diaper rash. Libby was running a fever by the weekend. And it’s just been the little things.  You know, like walking into the grocery store(for the third time this week) Annie’s boot kept falling off. I was pushing Libby in the cart and carrying Annie in my arms, and her freaking boot fell off no less than three times on the walk from the car to the store. And I’d have to stop and pick it up in the middle of traffic. Thankfully, without Libby and the grocery cart rolling away. I won’t tell you the profanities uttered every time this happened.

Yeah, my attitude wasn’t the best last week. And at one point, I believe it was Wednesday in the tumultuous rain and traffic from hell, I did a ridiculous thing. I tried to imagine someone telling me, a younger me, what my life would look like someday. I was thinking of these days. I don’t really know what I was trying to do to myself with this little exercise-I guess justify all my complaining. My poor parenting.  My terrible attitude.  Whatever. I don’t really know. But it didn’t help.

Because, obviously, I don’t know all my life will entail. But God knows every single detail of my life. In fact, He orchestrated it. Nothing has happened by chance. Nothing will happen by chance. And I’m exactly where He wants me. And sometimes I think on my worst days-the messy ones, when the failings are most obvious, when I’m so fully aware of my helplessness-these are the days He really takes over. And He does His best work. I let go. Finally. I complain. And mess up. And I cuss. And I snap at the ones I love. And I’m not proud of it. But I think that’s the point. He wants to show me He loves me. No matter what. Even at my absolute worst. He loves me and He covers me with His grace. It’s not fair. And I don’t deserve it. But He does it anyway. And it will be nothing but His miracle, but I think He’s helping me to learn to love the same way. 

*Libby had her first treatment of this Interim Maintenance phase. And she has strep throat. But we're on antibiotics and doing so much better! We’ve been through this phase before, not that we can really remember it. She has treatment roughly every 10 days, for eight weeks. Her next treatment will be Monday, February 11^th.Then, we begin the maintenance phase. We feel your prayers every single day!